we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
