Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
