Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
