I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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