dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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