my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
