You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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