just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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