im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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