Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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