I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize