she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
