Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
