five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
