life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The Olympian is in my bed
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
