i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
