Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's blow job season.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
