the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
