your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
