Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
