I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
