Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
