I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
