could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
