You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize