lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize