marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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