It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
