New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This is the high leading the old right now
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
