We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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