She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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