I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
