He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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