I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
