it wasn't lemon gatorade
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
