You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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