I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize