dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
