If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
