thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You are a genius and a whore.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
