So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
