he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
