Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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