He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
