Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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