Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
