This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
