I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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