I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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