I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
