His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
