she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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