Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
