I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
