even my farts smell like vagina
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
