I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
