I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
