Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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