I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
