Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
