It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
