You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize