i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
