Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
