It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
