so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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