oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
