I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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