I think I am morally bankrupt
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
