I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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