I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize