i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
