I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I cockslap morals
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize