When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
