after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
