I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
