my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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