Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
