u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
