My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's official drugs can't kill me
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
