Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
