I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
