i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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