we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
